This Is Going To Hurt.

I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it. And you know we’ve lost it.
It’s gone.
We’re are not us anymore. And I’m sorry for crying in front of you.
And telling you how angry I was.
I’m sorry for letting myself get angry.
I’m sorry for pushing you away.
I’m sorry for everything.
I need a break. From everyone. I miss who I was. I don’t remember the last time I was a teenager.
I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t pretending to be someone.

This is my official break. This here is going to keep me strong. This will help me finish everything.
This will help me finish with you.
Because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid if we don’t finish now. We never will. And if we don’t.
It’ll just go in circles.
That’s all I’ve been doing lately.
Going around and around.

I’m too dizzy to keep going.
I’m too weak to keep going.
All I’ve been doing is lying to myself. Lying about how easy it may be to change you.
Telling myself that you might even have the slightest sensitivity to change.
People like you don’t change.
I can’t change you.
Not even if I dared to scream in your face.
If I dared …
Although I would never.

Because I fear you.
I am afraid of you.
Let it seep into you.
Into your brain and your soul and your conscience.
I am scared of you.
I am scared because you have broken me.

I can’t be around someone so powerful anymore.